Monday, December 27, 2010

It is Hard to Describe

It is hard to describe what I am waiting for. All I am sure about is that I am no longer Planning or Hoping or Scheming or Dreaming. I am just waiting. To see what will come. To see what will happen. To see what God is planning. To see how everything will work out. I am just waiting. I have nothing to worry about.

I am not dreading school or counting the days till my family comes home. I am just doing what is right in front of me and not paying much attention to what has happened or what will happen. I am not doing this on purpose it just there...moving on... lulling me to a strange sort of calmness.

It is almost as if I am devoid of emotion but I am not. I just don't care about going up and down. I don"t want to struggle any more. I just want to lie still. I can feel God holding me in the eye of the storm telling me to rest and be peaceful while He provides me with the weapons for the coming battles.

I am so ready to be still. And I am so ready to listen to Him. I am tired of fighting. So now I am waiting.

Good night.

I am waiting...

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Deciphering Personalities

She slunk into the room with languid laugh. As she slid into an empty seat she thought through the defining points of her existence. The man in black across the way followed her every move with attention typical of a jeweler examining a diamond. "Yes, he thought, they will appericiate this in the window". The swanky creature on the other side was now preening herself with careless pride while eyeing the handsome mane on the guy a few places down. Her own stunning plumage was nothing to be ashamed of yet she felt a little claustrophobic in this crowded space. So many strange accents and ruckus babbling, excited her defensive instincts. Then the bells sounded and a new noise reached her ears, this time it was an irritating screeching and squalling. In few minutes, much to her annoyance, a boisterous and new crowd arrived in an entirely different sort of get up. They stared and laughed ridiculously at each move the fancy patrons already there made, and much to their disgust began to rudely point while banging on the walls. As if to show their disdain the objects of this monstrosity continued on with their lives as though nothing were different and eventually the crowd moved on...only to be replaced by a new band of reprobates with no respect.
Welcome To The Zoo.

Monday, December 20, 2010

on my honor

I will post a long post or at least several short ones. Life moves on regardless of my consent or not and recently it seems to be on fast forward.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Some of the Most Beautiful...

Maybe one day I will be able to capture this kind of beauty in my art, photography, work, struggles, my freedom, my heart and my relationships with others, daily life. And yet still return it all to the Maker of all beauty, God. That is my prayer.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Meet Lydia Dog

Meet Lydia Dog. She is a boxer hound mix and super fun. She doesn't belong to me but I have adopted her as my protege.

I plan to always have a dog.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

QT pa 2T

Lucy has got to be the funnest, baddest and cutest combination of dog in the world. Her rapid learning of tricks amazes me yet her persistent disregard to any training to come when she is called is hilarious.
I am not as disgusted with her disobedience as most other people in my family and I usually sympathize with her in any arguments against her. I can't fathom the terror of dog hair other people in my family have and I think wet dog is a nice healthy smell. (much my mothers horror)

She should be in a calendar.Her right eye is blind and the other night she came in with it bleeding. It is still a little pink in this picture.
Look how cute she is! I think this should be framed!

AHHH! Those eyes!
She sure knows how to manipulate me with her eyes.

She is probably a great philosopher.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I wish I was free

I wish I was free to do more things. I wish I was free enough to go do things on a whim. I wish I could delete school the way I can this word. I wish I was free to go riding every day. I wish I had enough time to pursue each exciting plan I come up with. I wish I was free to skip rocks all day.

I know that the things I am tied to are important, and I know that what seems like a long time won't be forever. But each time I drive in the car with out rolling the windows down I wonder what birds flew by that I did not look for and what the wind felt like on the bridge. I wonder if I will ever see that car again. And what was that song those people thought was so nice.

Each morning I don't open the window I wonder what the flowers smelled like a few minutes ago and what the clouds looked like while I slept. I worry about the amount of time I spend inside when there is so much changing outside.

I hate school. I think of all the leaves dancing with out me while I look at a blank white wall that has scratches and scribbles scrawled all over it. I wonder how Adam and Eve would react to our buildings and cars. I don't think they would enjoy them.

But I think the root of all my problems is really the way our culture puts pressure on any one not at the top to get to the top NOW! America is known for its opportunities and advantages, but what about the privileges of living? It seems as if in the rush for improvement they forgot what the were improving. In the beginning it was poverty and the quality of living. What is it now?
Maybe convenience? Or the social advantages of thinking up something new and "cool"? I have not analyzed the network of human reason that far so I can't say. But I would seem a bit pointless even to the point of a disadvantage.

I think I have taken as many classes of math as I will ever need. It maybe true that if it is at my finger tips why not soak it up, but what for? Will it develop necessary parts of my brain? Will it prepare me to help others? How can I say? I am not there yet, I am only aware of the useful things I could be free to do otherwise and the taxing effort it takes for me to spend on symbols.
So I won't complain and get it over with. But if I the world ends tomorrow and Jesus comes, I don't want to have spent 14+ years of my 15yrs. alive on school. I want to look back and be satisfied.

Maybe I will never be satisfied this side of heaven. Maybe God has called me to be a student in a white room with heavy books for the rest of my life. I could be called to this so that at each problem I will remember Him just to ask Him why? I won't know until I win the war and conquer the mountains. Until then I will just have to ask Him for help on the climb over.

I still wonder what it is like see each sunrise and I still wish for freedom but I am thankful I can do to the tune of this verse:

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.


Friday, October 8, 2010

how to get on the couch

this way works well if you have running leap! :)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Sight, Smell, Taste, Sound, Feel or Why You Should Wake Up

As I got to the bottom of the stairs on Sunday morning the delicious aroma of fresh baked sticky buns pulled me straight to the kitchen.
The minute I stepped into the kitchen I was thrust into the bustle of a family trying to get breakfast before leaving for church. The banging of dishes being put away and the shrieking of children confused and muddled all conversation so you had to shout to be heard.

I was quickly press ganged into setting the food on the table, which was quite a balancing act as I made my way through the masses with large amounts of steamy eggs and tantalizingly sweet sticky buns. The food was a healthy motivation for pulling everything together and the kitchen was restored to semi peaceful atmosphere in a relatively short amount of time as we settled down to pray before the meal.
After the blessing food was quickly doled out to eagerly waiting crowds. The plates being past down the line were full of color. The scrambled eggs were a light buttery yellow which contrasted nicely with the crisp brown sticky buns that were slathered in white cream glaze with hints of ruby colored cranberries and purple blueberries peaking out of the cinnamon swirl. In a few minutes the only noises to be heard were the contented chewing of several mouths and the scraping of silverware on the plates accompanied with an occasional grunt of satisfaction.
The sticky buns lived up to their name with an abundance of sticky stuff which twisted my mouth into a delightful mess. I loved the cranberries when they burst in unexpected packets of warm succulent fireworks. Some of the sticky buns had orange glaze on them which was a nice change to the buttery eggs and the sweet cinnamon of the other sticky buns. Now there was a tangy sweetness that complimented the other flavors.
The obvious pleasure on all the faces as I looked down the table was worth all the time and energy spent in the preparation. I cannot remember many other times when I have had such a nice time or eaten such good food.

Monday, September 27, 2010

9 Things

I never knew...

Freshly turned over peanuts smelled so terrible,

Poison Ivy can leave scars,

I could love my horse this much,

I would be as ambitious as I am,

I could learn to like fall,

How much money you can make as a model,

My grandfather was the next runner-up for the Olympics as a wrestler and is in the National Hall of Fame,

Music was so important.

Love could teach you so many things!

I always thought...

Peanuts would smell more like salt(blame my city upbringing).

I wasn't allergic to Poison Ivy, I was very wrong.

After all he is just a beast of burdens right?

You should see the paper I am writing!

I have decided to stop hating it and cultivate some sort of tolerance.

It is enough to make me think about thinking about it.

He was and my dad never told me! Can you believe it!?!

I thought you could live with out it. But you can't. I believe it is physically and mentally impossible.

Love has so many different faces and most of them have nothing to do with Valentines Day.
Love is Storge, Phileo, Eros and Agape. And the greatest of these is Agape.

-the Virginia Girl

Friday, September 24, 2010

Reflections of Esther

Have you ever read the book of Esther? It never once mentions the name of God. Yet other than the obvious fact that it is in the Bible you can read between the lines and clearly see who is at the back of Esther and Mordecai guiding and blessing them. In the mutual love of Esther and her uncle and the courage she has to face the king in contrast with Haman the self loving cowering adviser. Esther's faith is great and though she has fear she also believes in the supreme control and arranging of her Heavenly Father which allows her to move on and let everything hang on God for the outcome.
I have nowhere near as much faith as Esther yet in my daily life I think she is my role model. I do not mention God at every turn but I think He is there in the background showing us Himself through each thing that happens. Many of you who read this blog see me talk about horses all the time or dogs or animals in general. I do write about this stuff because it is my passion. And something I can communicate about easily because of how I think about them and what role they play in my life.
In everything about animals I can see God. Man cannot claim to have a part in their actions or emotions the way they can with a robot or a building. They are to an extent unpredictable. Which makes for an incredible relationship when they pick a human to love and faithfully trust. God has blessed me with a horse that is beautiful and likes me better then anyone else. My horse's love is unconditional. And though he can't talk I never feel inferior with him. I am not judged by how good I am at math or what kind of job I want. He is a constant reminder of God and the only sustaining love to be had.
I believe God gave us reflections of aspects of Him in all His creation. And that when we see and recognize this we are reflecting God and are set apart from the world in that only we can rightly recognize the source. By grace God gives us beauty in the crime and corruption of His perfect creation. Like the bright colors in a puddle of oil, or the beautiful child born in awful circumstances, a spider web across a path, water splattered on sand, mud splashed from running through a puddle... I could go on forever.
God is great in His revealed and unrevealed love and anger, justice and mercy, and most importantly Grace.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Summertime... over. I feel like today was the first day of fall (even though the calendar may not), maybe because of how everthing smelled after the rain. I love how earth smells when it's wet and things are alive.

Lydia and I are both full-swing back in school now. I think we both have very mixed feelings about that reality. We have big plans for studying together tomorrow, though. Maybe we will employ doughnuts to help jumpstart our efforts and then do a little riding when we are done.

Tulesch just wandered into my room and told me it's time for bed. (Tulesch is the German Shepherd that lives with me, and yes, that's really how you spell his name. He was born in Holland and he says it was a family name...)


Saturday, September 11, 2010

It started in the 1870's...

...with an Indian medicine man named Owl Prophet. From the tribe of the Kiowas, he was a powerful man with a very impressive name...

Then in 2005 on March 27th at a small farm in Smithfield, VA, a colt was born on Easter morning.

An especially pretty colt, I might add...

Because of the unusually cold weather the tiny colt almost died. But a man who loved the colt's mother found him almost frozen in the mud and picked him up and put him in his truck with the heat on full blast. The colt survived and became an entirely crazy, fully wild mustang, until one day a blond little girl had her 10th birthday. For her birthday, her loving parents gave her three horse riding lessons. The little girl decided on her first day that, not only did she not want to leave but that she needed a job to pay for more lessons.

When that girl began to train this unruly colt she found out that under his rough cover he was motivated by fear. Once she figured this out it she very quickly gained his trust through her love and months of careful training. He responded eagerly and mastered everything she gave him with gusto. When she mounted him for the first time, he carried her as if he had been born for nothing else. She could not have been happier.

He has now matured into a regal prince among mustangs while she thrives in his glory.

"...somethings are best left between a girl and her horse..."

For a mustang he is very well balanced. His sturdy legs give him agility and grace even over the roughest terrain. His narrow aerodynamic chest and build give him formidable endurance and unanticipated speed. He has well formed muscle and hoofs to be reckoned with. Add it all up and you will get ... something worth keeping.

As I happen to be that girl I am abb-sa-bally-lout-ly satisfied.

He has even the stunning ability to erase the awfulness of math from my brain when we are cantering off into the distance.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Flying High

The other day we took tons (643) of pictures of Ice so we can sell him. But in the process I noticed how intresting the differnet gaits of a horse are. In these series of pictures take a close look at his feet.

In the above picture all 4 feet are off the ground.

here they are all just barely all off.

it is easier to tell when he has a defined shadow but he is in the air here (^)

I love this shot even though it is cropped. The front foot is indeed off the ground I could see it when I zoomed in.

I am so impressed that a horse can do this and still move forward and get off balance! Even while being ridin, a whole new balance issue.

this is only three feet off but still...

Here is more regular, 2 feet off. Can you tell which gait he is going?
Someone cool should get him. He is so neat.